Liars, Cheats and Monkeys. Kuala Lumpur = Awesome.
Kuala Lumpur is a strange strange place (pic: by Tiger)
Total Read time: 4 minutes
Update: I totally forgot to mention the ladyboys! We grab a nightcap, and we have our first experience with ladyboys. The keep pushing in to go to the girls toilets, and strutting up and down the bar. Finally the bar closes, and we see them outside on five australian guys laps. These are the same Australians that we have avoided because they were being dickheads in the markets to the sellers. So we are pissing ourselves laughing. One finally realises that he’s got himself a ladyboy, and to his credit, doesn’t kick her off abruptly, but instead quietly and starts laughing at his mates with us. The second guy is abrupt, and his other mates realise. The last olne seems disappointed, and keeps asking if ‘shim’ is really a ladyboy.
Day 1: ripoff taxis, free pot, free beer, pimps, ladyboys, and lying nigerian sports agents.
After negotiating planes, trains, and automobiles to get from the airport to KL, the taxi dropped us off at our hostel Reggae 2; or so we thought. The taxi driver couldn’t be bothered going all the way, so he found Reggae 1, and dropped us there. We met the manager of Reggae 2; Sam a nice Malaysian guy, but a pimp. He was marrying wife number two out of what will be four. None of these will be Australian girls, because apparently they are too high maintenance.
Afterwards, another guy we’d just met offered to give us the pot that he himself had been given, which of course we refused. To beat the jetlag, we headed for a beer at the Reggae Bar (confused yet?). The Reggae Bar is underneath Reggae 1. Some Nigerian guys bought us a jug, and lied to us about being sports agents for soccer. They also pretended to have never been to that bar before, though knowing the DJ, his friend, the bar manager and all the female bartenders. They were clearly there to pick up backpackers, and we were entertained.
The best bit is where the ladybody who had cut the girls off in the toilets ended up sitting on the laps of the westerners who were being dickheads in the markets to storeholders. When they finally realised, it was too late, their egos were bruised. The only thing that saved them was the fact they could laugh at their mates doing the same thing.
Welcome to Malaysia.
The Markets: It’s cheap and fake, but you can bargain it cheaper.
First travel mistake: I bought gear before I came. The chinatown markets have ripoffs of everything: billabong boardshorts ($16 is the first price they offer, but you can get them down to $6), glasses, belts, bootleg DVDs, gucci handbags, everything. You can even get an Iphone, nokia or blackberry copy, but they add a second sim card, which is great for travellers, and build in a TV too.
Bargaining is a fine art, and when you’re done, postage is cheap ($16 for 10kg back to Australia). I’m not suggesting you buy these copies, but at $80 for boardshorts in Australia, many people buy what they need to travel over here, since their clothes will get destroyed anyhow. Instead of those new clothes you just bought, you could afford a month long vacation in Malaysia, and get ripoffs of the same clothes. Just saying.
On our second visit to KL we attempted to find Malaysian Kris Swords to start my collection. We found some, but their quality wasn’t great, and the price was significantly inflated. The best kris swords are on the east coast where the blacksmiths make them. We also grabbed a handbag as a present, so I bargained with a guy so hard that I nearly made him cry. There was some satisfaction in that, because he wasn’t playing fair.
Food and Drinks in Kuala Lumpur
Market Food is great. Fresh mango on a stick for 30c. Just be careful, that black powder is pepper, and the red powder is chilli.
The Laksa and fried noodles were also excellent. The best places are full of locals, with no westerners. If you are smack bang in the middle of the chinatown markets, walk down behind the guy selling the soya milk (white liquid in a fishtank, tasty but sweet) down the alley. It doesn’t actually look like an alley, but it is. About 30 metres down you will find a great place for Laksa. Keep walking another 20 metres, and you will find excellent fried noodles.
We also found some very cool vego places, where they used fake meat. We ordered vego spare ribs, and they came with a chopstick through the middle to simulate the bone.
The soya milk is extremely addictive and sweet, and tastes nothing like soymilk back home. KL is also where we developed our addiction to Milo Ice (pronounced Meee-low, eyes). Her addiction was far worse, needing at least 3 a day to survive.
Recipe for Milo Ice: Add more milo than will disolve in 4cm of hot water, fill with 1cm of sweetened condensed milk, add milk, ice, straw, spoon and serve. When you order one, the bottom of the drink is still warm, so you need to stir it to let the ice cool it down.
There were also some excellent fluorescent coloured fruit drinks, which we are still not sure of their flavour. I was tantalised and scared by their colour at the same time.
The Botanical Gardens – Monkeys!
The Botanical Gardens are huge, a nice walk, and we got to chill out with monkeys. At the top of the gardens on a Sunday evening, there was this great little group of Bongo drummers. We were completely stuffed by this stage, so didn’t join in, but they wanted us to come play with them. There is some very cool stuff here, I would definitely recommend it. Did you know monkeys open their bananas at the other end than most people?
The Batu Caves
After a couple of days, we met Nathalie and Chris, a couple of Germans traveling together, and decided to head up to the batu caves. They were late, so we went and bought snacks, they couldn’t be bothered waiting, so we met them there. The caves are at the top of quite a few stairs, where monkeys come and literally try and steal your food. Well equipped with peanuts, we tried to get robbed by the monkeys, but we didn’t see any monkeys this day. Nice caves, they dress a stick up like a diety, cool statues, including a womans head, horse body, complete with breasts.
The best bit about the caves was lunch, discovering Indian Roti! Cheap (around 25c for a meal), tasty, filling, and it’s all the curries you can eat. We pretty much lived on this stuff for the rest of Malaysia, between Banana leaves, Roti, Naan and curries. Mmm, I’m getting hungry.
Bukit Nanas Forest Reserve
We went to the Bukit Nanas forest, just so I could say I’d been in your nana’s bucket. Suppose you had to be there. We saw some monkeys, it pissed down rain, we got cold, we went home. The end.
The Petronas Towers and the Menara/Telecom Towers
Everybody, and I mean everybody goes to the Petronas Towers, just to say they did it. But why? It’s clearly entertainment for people with Colostomy Bags. You get up at 7am, get there to get one of the few free tickets, go up a lift, get out for 2 minutes to take a photo, get in a lift again. They shuffle you down really quickly so they can get through the other 300 people in the one hour they are open. You get to look in two directions for two minutes accross the city.
Instead we did the Menara Towers. It costs a couple of dollars, but you can:
- See the city at night for a far better view.
- See 360 degrees around the city.
- Stay as long as you want
- Get a cheaper ticket from the hostel.
We realised that towers aren’t our thing, that they are all for colostomy bag travelers, and we wont bother to travel like that again.
The taxi to the towers cost 10RM (around $3), which is a reasonable price. At the towers, the guys wanted 60Rm to do the same trip in reverse. Bloody ripoff agents, figuring they had a monopoly. So we walked home in the rain, got lost, and caught a taxi with a very religious Sikh man, who we had a good chat with. By walking, we got to see more of the city, didn’t reward ripoff merchants, and got a nice taxi driver (which is rarer than you would imagine).
Welcome to Malaysia.
Had a crazy time in KL? Want to hear more about any of what I said? Let us know in the comments.
Second, when heading to a new location, do a quick search on facebook for the places you’re heading to, and click on the “posts by friends” button. Try the country, popular sites (eg. Ankor Watt?) and the city too. Any mates that are in the area with comments will appear in your search terms.
